“Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.” James 3:13 (NIV).
I’ve been in a funk for a few months now. I thought it was just exhaustion, lack of energy, or working too hard. While I’m sure my schedule hasn’t helped, I think the above feelings were just symptoms of the real underlying problem. Lack of humility.
I had forgotten that all I have in life is a blessing and none of it is deserved. While I deserve nothing, God has given me so much. I used to be really good at realizing this and thanking Him daily for it, but for the past few months, I have been focusing more on where I think I should be instead of thankful for where God has me. Now, to say I was prideful doesn’t sound very pretty but in order to change the behavior, it needs to be acknowledged correctly. I wasn’t going around thinking I was better than anyone else; I just didn’t want to be worse either. I wanted to be the same.
Well…God didn’t make me the same. He creates timetables for a reason. He allows certain people to be blessed in certain ways at certain times because He is the Creator of the Universe…not me. I don’t want the job, really. I can barely keep a household of five running smoothly while controlling our chaos; I certainly don’t want the responsibility of running the entire world. That’s too overwhelming.
So, when I finally woke up (literally and figuratively) one day and realized my “funk” was self induced from self indulgence, I started to see and hear things differently. I realized God wasn’t ignoring me or my desires. He isn’t mad at me and I’m not being punished because others are further ahead in their journey than I am. No…I am in a holding pattern right now. God sees not only where I’ve been, but He sees much further ahead in my future than I could ever predict. He knows my priority is first and foremost obeying Him, then my relationship with my husband, then nurturing our children, then my career, and lastly everything else. He also knows next year is going to be slightly crazier than most. And, He knows better than I do the word He gave me for this year: Balance (moderation).
Now…once I figured out that I was in a preparation phase and not actively “running full speed ahead,” I was able to slow down a little and begin to enjoy the journey again. I realized I don’t have to be in control. I realized it’s not really up to me whether or not I succeed or fail. I realized I don’t have to have all the answers, just an obedient heart.
And you know what? The journey got fun again. God knows my heart better than I do. He knows what I’m passionate about, what I wish I was doing versus what I am doing, and He knows (better than me) what it will take for me to get there. And now that I have been reminded yet again that I don’t have to hold the map for the journey God has placed me on in life, I’m more able to sit back, trust, and enjoy the scenery. When I focus more on giving God my best instead of comparing myself to others or trying to take over, the journey gets sweet again.
Copyright 2013: Cheri Swalwell