“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain” Philippians 1:21 (NIV).
Last time I talked about how I asked God to show me if I was walking in His will, or just being stubborn.
God answered with four distinct reassurances. First, He gave me a verse from His word: Romans 8:28. I’ve heard this passage multiple times and many times people have quoted it about their own lives and struggles. Within a ten minute timeframe, God presented me with such sweet words twice: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (NIV). Never before had those words caressed my spirit the way they did that particular day. It was as though God was speaking directly to me. The second through the fourth confirmations involved a particular career path God had shown me years ago, but further defined this past spring. I thanked Him, felt reassured, and kept walking/waiting with excitement.
God also reminded me of the various ways this past summer He had taken care of us financially – ways that could only be described as divine intervention, ways I could only give Him all the glory for. I believe in addition to using each circumstance to meet a very real need of our family, He was also using the numerous opportunities to strengthen my faith. If He can supply for BIG expenses like we were facing, wouldn’t He supply enough for the day-to-day, monthly expenses as well?
However, being human, I was used to having some sort of control, some tangible security, some sense of not being lazy, but “earning my keep.” When that was taken away, my struggles began. When the work I was used to doing was at a much lower, more manageable volume, I began to worry. I knew deep down God was rescuing me from overload, yet fear still crept in. He knows my deepest desire is to be a wife and mom first and foremost and for a “career” to take fourth place. (First Him, then my husband, next our children, and finally a job.) He knew better than I would how much my husband and kids would need me during this season of their lives and I wanted to be the one they could depend upon – emotionally, physically, and most of all spiritually. I couldn’t give to them if there was nothing left of me to give at the end of a hectic day, week, or month. I knew firsthand from the past two years I had been running on fumes and not only do they stink, they don’t supply any energy. The peace God gave me all summer was still there, but had dimmed. I was frustrated with myself for being less like the centurion with his rock-solid faith and more…human.
Have you ever struggled, wondering if you are walking in obedience to God’s will or carving out your own path instead? If so, what has reassured you during those moments of fear?
© 2013 Cheri Swalwell