“That’s right. If you diligently keep all this commandment that I command you to obey—love God, your God, do what he tells you, stick close to him—God on his part will drive out all these nations that stand in your way. Yes, he’ll drive out nations much bigger and stronger than you. Every square inch on which you place your foot will be yours.” Deuteronomy 11:23-24 (The Message)
I spoke last time about how throughout our lives, God will continually ask us to lay down anything that gets in the way of a close relationship between us and Him. I wish it would just be “one thing” and then the test would be over and we could relax, but then again, the older I get, the more I’m glad it’s not like that. I believe God allows us to continually struggle with some things so that we will continually draw close to Him. Think about it – if we as parents gave our children everything they wanted or only asked them to do something difficult once their entire lives, would they have as much motivation to stay close to us, listen to us, ask for advice or realize how much fun they have spending time with us?
I spoke last time about the struggle I experienced with laying down my emotional eating. But I was also struggling with this question: Was God asking me to lay down the job I felt He had been calling me to since January 2014? While things were moving in the right direction and it seemed like He was still pointing in that direction, I began to doubt. Was this the case of me needing to press in with more faith, trusting that in the final hour He had this and He would get all the glory because it looked hopeless? Or was this a case of me wanting something so badly that I needed to be willing to let it go…waiting to see if God was going to give it back to me like He gave Isaac back to Abraham? Was this my Isaac moment or was this my chance to press in and be persistent like the woman in the Bible who pestered the judge daily until he finally gave her what she wanted so she would go away?
See…I don’t want something if God doesn’t want it for me. I don’t want to pester Him so much that He finally says, “Even though this isn’t My BEST for you, Cheri, I’m going to give it to you because you won’t stop talking.” I only want what God’s BEST is for our family. And if His best is me working two jobs and writing, then I am willing to do that. If His BEST is something completely different, then I’m willing to walk that road too.
After wrestling in my own mind and having countless conversations where I asked God questions about it and then waited…I came to this conclusion. I know that God led me where He did back in January 2014…and if I was completely honest, He introduced me to this wonderful opportunity and these wonderful people way back in September of 2012. So I know that God’s hand is all over this opportunity. And I also know that God is silent at times during the test – because it wouldn’t be a test if He gave me all the answers and I wouldn’t be maturing or building trust, faith, or perseverance if I didn’t have to walk forward without all the answers laid out beforehand. And I also know there is a deadline of March 31st that we are waiting for. So, I decided that since God has reassured me and my family, taken care of us throughout this entire adventure, that I need to keep walking, not lay down this particular passion. In essence, I laid it down back in January when I told God whatever He wanted me to do, I was willing. I meant it then and I still mean it now. However, until I specifically hear Him tell me “you are done,” I’m going to continue walking in the direction that I know I heard Him speak. And my excitement is coming back, thinking about how He’s going to work out all the details, since my job assignment is just to keep doing what I’ve been doing all along…the assignments He has given me to the best of my ability.
When God delivers (and I know He will) I will be shouting from the mountaintop, giving Him all the glory. Be listening because I think I’ll be loud enough for you to hear me.
© Cheri Swalwell 2015