God Reminded Me Peace Matters

“God wants us to succeed more than we do. He’s on the sidelines cheering us on, not making the trials more difficult.”  Aileen Sunnock

 

Even though I constantly fought my feelings, I still struggled with my new position.  I was torn.  I felt like God had given me this position and I really liked the people.  Some of the responsibilities I was in charge of fit my gifts and talents, one new job in particular.  However, as I stated in the previous post, I was stressed all the time because there didn’t seem to be enough of me to go around.  And I felt guilty about that.  Why couldn’t I seem to make it work when others had no problems completing their assignments from God? Was I supposed to press in and accept this challenge or was this a challenge God was telling me wasn’t my fight?

In His love, my Father reminded me of a conversation He and I had been having since February when I lost my job.  As I was praying back then for a job, I asked for two specific things, only two.  I told God I would work anywhere, doing anything, but please let me have these two things: 1) Enough money to pay the bills and 2) Balance in my schedule so I can be a wife and mom first, employee second.  God took that request and changed it a little.  He reminded me that I didn’t have to ask for “just enough to get by,” so I changed my first request instead to “enough money to pay the bills with a cushion” because there are always unexpected expenses – car repairs, vet bills, life insurance, etc.  I felt peace that what I was asking for lined up with His Word.

So, while working my new assignment, I again began praying for the above two requests and God rewarded that petition with a peace.  I wasn’t sure how the peace would come, but I believed that God heard and that He had an answer – I just didn’t know what it was.  So I continued to work while trying to make all the end-of-the-school year busyness fit into my already overflowing schedule.  I thanked God I had two very understanding bosses who put family first.  That was another reason why I was struggling with my new assignment.  My boss was wonderful.  Yet I constantly felt like I wasn’t giving him what he deserved and I didn’t have the reserves left to give more.

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After much prayer and petition, I finally decided something had to change. I couldn’t continue the pace I was keeping and I couldn’t see another way out except to try and find a different job with less responsibility.  With my husband’s blessing, I started looking for a job that would pay the bills while affording me the type of schedule I needed.

I reached out to a friend who was starting in a data entry job.  Her boss wasn’t currently hiring so that was a “no.”  Then I tried another medical transcription job (wondering if I was heading back into Egypt) and that door closed.  Unlike my job search this spring, I now remembered to praise God for the “no’s” while asking for the right “yes.”  I applied to approximately six on-line jobs and then went to pick up our son from school.  I came home and not two hours later was hired not once, but twice. I knew without a doubt that was God because I had applied for many more than six jobs from January through March and only was picked for one – the job I currently held.  Ironically, it was the only job I really wanted from all that I had applied for, which further increased my feelings of guilt for choosing to leave.

I talked to my husband, did a two-day trial with the new position, and while there were definite pros and cons, I felt that this was the only option I had. There was one more hurdle (a few more questions to ask my new employer to give me peace of mind) and then I would quit my current job and begin what I thought would be a less stressful employment.  While walking in this direction seemed like the way out, there was a part of it which felt like I was walking back into Egypt.  Was I giving up too soon? From my earthly perspective, I couldn’t see any other way to get my head above the water.

Come back next time to find out what happened when I gave my resignation…

© Cheri Swalwell 2015

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