“God wants us to succeed more than we do. He’s on the sidelines cheering us on, not making the trials more difficult.” Aileen Sunnock
Even though I constantly fought my feelings, I still struggled with my new position. I was torn. I felt like God had given me this position and I really liked the people. Some of the responsibilities I was in charge of fit my gifts and talents, one new job in particular. However, as I stated in the previous post, I was stressed all the time because there didn’t seem to be enough of me to go around. And I felt guilty about that. Why couldn’t I seem to make it work when others had no problems completing their assignments from God? Was I supposed to press in and accept this challenge or was this a challenge God was telling me wasn’t my fight?
In His love, my Father reminded me of a conversation He and I had been having since February when I lost my job. As I was praying back then for a job, I asked for two specific things, only two. I told God I would work anywhere, doing anything, but please let me have these two things: 1) Enough money to pay the bills and 2) Balance in my schedule so I can be a wife and mom first, employee second. God took that request and changed it a little. He reminded me that I didn’t have to ask for “just enough to get by,” so I changed my first request instead to “enough money to pay the bills with a cushion” because there are always unexpected expenses – car repairs, vet bills, life insurance, etc. I felt peace that what I was asking for lined up with His Word.
So, while working my new assignment, I again began praying for the above two requests and God rewarded that petition with a peace. I wasn’t sure how the peace would come, but I believed that God heard and that He had an answer – I just didn’t know what it was. So I continued to work while trying to make all the end-of-the-school year busyness fit into my already overflowing schedule. I thanked God I had two very understanding bosses who put family first. That was another reason why I was struggling with my new assignment. My boss was wonderful. Yet I constantly felt like I wasn’t giving him what he deserved and I didn’t have the reserves left to give more.
After much prayer and petition, I finally decided something had to change. I couldn’t continue the pace I was keeping and I couldn’t see another way out except to try and find a different job with less responsibility. With my husband’s blessing, I started looking for a job that would pay the bills while affording me the type of schedule I needed.
I reached out to a friend who was starting in a data entry job. Her boss wasn’t currently hiring so that was a “no.” Then I tried another medical transcription job (wondering if I was heading back into Egypt) and that door closed. Unlike my job search this spring, I now remembered to praise God for the “no’s” while asking for the right “yes.” I applied to approximately six on-line jobs and then went to pick up our son from school. I came home and not two hours later was hired not once, but twice. I knew without a doubt that was God because I had applied for many more than six jobs from January through March and only was picked for one – the job I currently held. Ironically, it was the only job I really wanted from all that I had applied for, which further increased my feelings of guilt for choosing to leave.
I talked to my husband, did a two-day trial with the new position, and while there were definite pros and cons, I felt that this was the only option I had. There was one more hurdle (a few more questions to ask my new employer to give me peace of mind) and then I would quit my current job and begin what I thought would be a less stressful employment. While walking in this direction seemed like the way out, there was a part of it which felt like I was walking back into Egypt. Was I giving up too soon? From my earthly perspective, I couldn’t see any other way to get my head above the water.
Come back next time to find out what happened when I gave my resignation…
© Cheri Swalwell 2015