“What’s my slice of pie (responsibility) in the situation?” Pastor Scott Rogers
I’ve spoken many times on this blog about the journey God has taken me on this summer – to better health. I felt led to complete a 40-day fast during the summer and then even though I heard God tell me to complete a 90 day fast after that, it was really hard to get started. Really hard. I wanted to… but I also didn’t.
God, though, loves His children completely. He knew that I was willing but I was afraid. He also knew that taking my fear away without me taking the first step wasn’t going to help me grow. So… He kept reminding me in loving ways what His command was and encouraging me to step forward and start. I had many false starts and days where I blew it and thought I needed to “start over again next week because I blew it too badly.”
One Saturday night in October, God spoke more plainly than ever before. He used a sermon that was more convicting than encouraging (those are needed sometimes, aren’t they?) to remind me that I had a responsibility to fulfill and now was the time to start. I knew God was telling me that I had a 90 day fast to begin and to complete and no one else could do it for me.
Without telling my husband for the umpteenth time “I’m starting for real this time,” I just did it. I figured my actions would speak for me. I started on Halloween. Yup, Halloween. I did great Halloween night and then Tuesday came. Even though I told our kids to put their candy somewhere I wouldn’t accidentally discover it, our house isn’t that big and I knew where it was. Tuesday was my worst day of backsliding than ever. I was so disappointed in myself and I kept thinking about the sermon, about my responsibility. And that’s when I realized my backsliding wasn’t about the food this time.
I was afraid. You see, I’ve been sensing for quite some time that God has big changes in store for our family. Do I know what they are? Nope. I just sense that He has something amazing that He wants to do in us or through us and I’m afraid. Even though I believe it’s going to be a blessing that He gives, I’m still afraid. So afraid that I was sabotaging my own fast, over and over and over.
Once I figured out that’s what was happening, I decided I had two choices. God told me to fast. For 90 days. Now it’s my turn. Accept my responsibility (my piece of the pie) and obey or miss out on the blessing He has allowed me to sense is waiting.
I’m choosing to obey. I’ve been fasting regularly now and it’s not that difficult. It was never about the food. I’ve even lost weight this week. It’s not about the weight loss. It’s about giving God access to every area of my life, giving Him freedom to work in whatever capacity He wants to. The fear has been replaced with anticipation to see what God is going to do in our family’s life. I’ve chosen to accept my slice of pie, one that I can’t eat until the end of January after my fast has ended.
© Cheri Swalwell 2016