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Archive for October 23rd, 2017

I waited and waited and waited for God. At last he looked; finally he listened.
He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud. He stood me up on a solid rock
to make sure I wouldn’t slip. He taught me how to sing the latest God-song, a praise-song to our God.” Psalm 40: 1-2 (The Message)

 

I’ve been talking for the past two conversations about how God completely removed the blanket of depression I had been wearing for over 40 years.  And how He had replaced it with His peace.  However, I was left with the question of what to do with this healing.  Do I share it with others?  Would they even believe me since it’s not something I really talked about?  Would my immediate family and/or extended family notice a difference in me?  What did God want from me with this miracle?

At first, I didn’t say anything to anyone.  I guess I wanted to see whether or not people would notice the difference that I felt.  And to be honest there was a part of me that was scared the blanket would settle back down, unexpectedly, as it had in the past.  I’m sure that hurt God’s heart that while I was praising Him and thanking Him for the miracle of a burned blanket, I was still waiting for the other preverbal shoe to fall.  I’m not proud of myself for that.

Part of why I reacted that way was this:  I believe God had been working in my life in regard to my food addictions the previous summer as well as filling the giant hole in my heart which I shared about Him healing earlier this spring.  However, I had been failing miserably to walk in that healing and therefore, the progress I had made in both of those areas had gone backwards.  I guess I was afraid that since I couldn’t walk in obedience in those areas, deliverance from this area was contingent on my actions as well.

However, there was a distinct difference between the two.  The first two things I talked about require daily disobedience. I am healed of my food addictions and the hole in my heart – but I have to daily walk out that healing through obedience.  God didn’t require obedience from me to heal my depression.  He chose through His mercy to heal me without medication, exercise or diet because that is the avenue He chose.  He invited me into this healing… He prompted me to pray for deliverance.  He answered that obedience by burning the blanket.  I did what He asked – ask Him to reveal the underlying issue, pray for deliverance from the issue and have faith that He would do what He said.

For the food addiction and the healing of my heart emotions, God gave me specific guidelines He wanted me to follow in the food choices I make, with believing and walking in the healing He gave me.  Again, that was the avenue God chose.

I continued to feel that consistent peace.  I never got the overall warmth that some people describe.  I wasn’t overcome with emotions.  God simply replaced that heavy blanket with the lightness of His peace which completely surrounds me but never weighs me down. And I knew what that felt like because of all the practice He provided in 2016.

However, as I’ve learned in my Christian walk, the enemy is not happy when freedom from oppression occurs.  During the first two weeks of my healing, God allowed circumstances in my life that were less than ideal and I immediately thought, “Uh oh, is the blanket going to settle on my shoulders again?”

Come back next time and I will continue to share my journey.

© Cheri Swalwell 2017

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