I read an interesting article the other day about introverts and extroverts. I have read other similar articles in the past, but for whatever reason this one struck me this particular day. Maybe because I was having an introverted moment and it spoke directly to my heart, helping me realize I wasn’t being antisocial but truly needed space to fill back up again since I was beyond emotionally depleted.
One tidbit I learned from the article answered a question for me that had frustrated me for years. Being introverted, I crave deep conversation. Being a female adds to that deep-seated need inside me as well as being a writer.
Superficial conversation is very hard for me. Some people are great at walking into a room full of people and “working it,” engaging people in different superficial topics and each person walking away from the exchange filled. Sadly, that’s not me. Those types of encounters deplete my emotional reserves and leave me feeling … empty. (That’s not to say I can’t ever engage in superficial conversations because there is definitely a time and a place for both.)
However, the article spoke about how extroverts are filled up with superficial conversations and introverts are filled up with deeper conversations. It’s more about personality types than about people not wanting to go deep or people wanting to go too deep.
That one point of the whole article gave me an “ah ha” moment. I used to feel frustrated when certain people wouldn’t “go deep” with me and I took it personally, that they didn’t want that close relationship with me. Now, I realize it might have less to do with our relationship and more to do with our personality types. That realization opened my eyes and freed up our relationship to be what it was, without expecting anything else.
That doesn’t mean we don’t ever go deep; it just means on the days we stay superficial, I realize I’m filling up the other person and the days we go deep, it’s filling up me.
Isn’t that what relationships are all about – when two people are very different, both won’t usually be able to be filled up at the same time always. So sometimes one person will be filled and the other not as much. The next time? The other will be filled and the one not so much. Give and take.
I feel badly it took an article about introverts and extroverts to teach me that, but I’m glad I read it and God revealed that truth.
What about you? Are you more extroverted or introverted? What types of conversations fill you up – more superficial topics or going deep?