“When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. “Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” God’s Decree. Jeremiah 29:13 (The Message)
I’ve been a Christian since I was around six years old. I was old enough to remember kneeling by my bed with my mom after she’d explained what it meant to pray the sinner’s prayer and I remember saying the words and meaning them. I think at that point I was more afraid of going to Hell than desiring an intimate relationship with Someone I barely knew.
I was blessed though. My parents always taught (and modeled for me) a relationship with Christ versus just living a religion. We didn’t go to church on Sunday and Wednesday and then forget about God again until the next time we walked through the doors. God was welcome in every area of our lives.
However, it’s only been as I grow older that I realize the depth of the type of relationship God wants with me and that I can have with the God of the universe. Lately, He and I have been growing closer…you might say we’re at a new level. I think it’s been a process because if I look back I can see “steps of growth.” Doesn’t it seem sometimes that only when you’ve climbed up the next step can you truly appreciate where you were, where you are now, and where you still need to get to?
I don’t think…actually, I know I wouldn’t have reached this deeper level of intimacy with God had we not experienced the “adventure” He led us on these past few years. I’m not sure if I wasn’t moving fast enough or needed a nudge or why exactly the intensity of the adventure amplified starting in January 2015, but maybe it was just the beginning of the finale. In order to make a finale spectacular, don’t they have to have a bit of fire?
It probably started months ago, but this week God revealed to me a little more about our relationship. I’d promised Him in January that I’d obey whatever plan He had for our lives…and I’d do my best to trust Him and not try to keep taking control back. That last part was especially hard for me. Not because I wanted control but because I always feel like I have to be doing something – I’m not really good at getting things for free (unless it’s free coffee or ice cream or I win a contest).
So, it was with that attitude that I started approaching God this week, and last week, and the week before and just being honest with Him. This new assignment He gave me was HARD! Really HARD! This isn’t what I thought He was going to give me…that I thought He’d promised a year ago and had worked hard all of 2014 for the reward that hasn’t come yet. And I was honest with Him…really honest. I let Him know I didn’t like it, I wasn’t happy, and I wanted to be released.
And then I sat (or actually kept walking because we were taking a walk together, me and God). Come back next time and I’ll tell you what I heard.
© Cheri Swalwell 2015